a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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