peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
