I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
