mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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