mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
