we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
