I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This house was built for laser tag.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
