i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
