hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize