Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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