and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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