she woke up with a sticky ear
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
