yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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