If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
