8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
