i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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