Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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