You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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