you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize