We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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