Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
