just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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