Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
