It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
