trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's official drugs can't kill me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
