he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you win again, gameday.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
