Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
