somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
