I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
