i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
