You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
