im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
