the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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