My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize