so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
