Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
