i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
