Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
