I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
