she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
