im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
