i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
