I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
