I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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