ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
