There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
