Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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