do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
