He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
