Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
