Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
