nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize