Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
