I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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