That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
