Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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