i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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