i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
