Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
