After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
