Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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