the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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