I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
