Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This house was built for laser tag.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
