You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
