I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
