Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
