Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize