He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
