Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
