Don't make out with my wife yet
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
