Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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