1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
