Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
