I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
