Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
