I'm gonna have a badass scar
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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