yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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